Our experiences influence the person we become.

We can’t control what happens to us, but
we can find healing for the hurt we carry.

Freedom and restoration are at our fingertips.

Holding onto bitterness and resentment
leaves us wounded and weary.

True freedom and restoration are found as we sit in
God’s presence and learn his rhythms of forgiveness.

Our wounds turn to scars with a story to tell.


Dive into weekly sermons and take time to reflect on what you're learning.

SERMON Collection: I HATE YOU BUT IT's Killing me

I Hate You But It's Killing Me

The word ‘hate’ is something we often can’t imagine feeling, but think about it — who do you hate? What do you hate? Hate stems from unaddressed hurt, and the way we respond to our hurt will ultimately determine our future. Just as the Lord forgives us daily when we repent, he calls us to forgive others and surrender our hatred and hurt to the Creator of mercy and peace. When we walk into the forgiveness flow and let the Lord take over our lives, He will heal us vertically, which will ultimately flow out of us horizontally into the relationships around us.


Question 1

How has your view of God hindered or helped you to stay rooted in your identity as a child of God?

Question 2

What's one area of your life where you seek people's approval over God's? How can you begin to shift your affirmation source to find security in the Father?

Continue the conversation
SERMON Collection: I HATE YOU BUT IT's Killing me

A Bitter Pill

While bitterness wants revenge, forgiveness wants reconciliation. Bitterness causes us to hurt others; forgiveness causes us to heal. Instead of keeping score, forgiveness is losing count. While bitterness keeps us trapped in the past, forgiveness sets us free, allowing us to dream of a future.

Are you choosing bitterness or forgiveness? Christ Jesus allows us the opportunity to step out of bitterness and into freedom.

SERMON Collection: I HATE YOU BUT IT's Killing me

Losing Count

When we live bound to unforgiveness, counting scores and marking tally’s, we lose sight of the fact that we ourselves are the one who needs forgiveness. Thankfully by the power of Jesus, and our repentance, God doesn’t keep score, but he loses count!

SERMON Collection: I HATE YOU BUT IT's Killing me

I Love You, But I Don't Trust You

For the body of Christ, boundaries aren’t weapons but are actually tools which help us celebrate love and foster trust in one another. While we are always required to forgive, as we become more spiritually mature, we recognize the value of trust which is earned in drops, and lost with buckets. By establishing healthy boundaries with a heart of sincerity, overtime we can confidently expect the power of God to work through us to minister and spread the Gospel as His Kingdom ambassadors here on earth.

SERMON Collection: I HATE YOU BUT IT's Killing me

Between You and Me

To be in relationships with others is one of the greatest gifts of this life. Relationships are hard work, filled with opportunities to choose how we will respond to offense. A relationship that goes the distance is one with a path paved by offenses that have been laid down. Jesus calls us to live a life unoffended, walking in true peace. As we choose to go first in forgiving those who have hurt us, we can rest assured that we will make it as long as we stay close to Jesus.

SERMON Collection: I HATE YOU BUT IT's Killing me

Wide Open Spaces

Offense will keep you trapped, but the good shepherd desires to lead you to open spaces!

As the “I Hate You, But It’s Killing Me” collection of talks comes to a close, Pastor Manouchka Charles shares a powerful word called “Wide Open Spaces.” In this talk, we learn of how bitterness leads to bondage that prevents followers of Christ from receiving the blessings God wants to share with us. We may not always get answers for why we experience pain and suffering in this life, but when we release unforgiveness we place our trust in Jesus to help us walk securely in freedom.


The road of forgiveness is not a momentary act but rather a rhythm to establish. These reflection exercises will help you start to identify when, why, and how to forgive.


How To Forgive

When it comes to forgiveness we may find different areas easy or more difficult to work through. In this exercise, take a moment to reflect on which area you find the most difficult.

How do I forgive myself?

Forgiving yourself means allowing the grace and mercy of Jesus to become a reality in your life. Scripture reminds us that the obedience of one man, Jesus, we are made righteous, not because of our good works but because of his abounding grace.

Quit playing the tape

It’s human nature to spend time and energy replaying our mistakes. While some processing is important, going over what happened again and again won’t allow you to take the proper steps to forgive yourself.

How do I forgive others?

In the same way, we have been forgiven, we are called to forgive others. Colossians 3:13 reminds us to “forgive one another in the same way you have been graciously forgiven by Jesus Christ. If you find fault with someone, release this same gift of forgiveness to them.”

Focus on your emotions

Before you can move forward, you need to acknowledge and process your emotions.

How do I let go of what has been done to me?

Letting go is a continuous process. Seeking God for healing is a good first step. Holding onto bitterness and resentment for what has been done to you is hurting you more than the perpetrator. Only through Jesus can we find the freedom from pain that we’re seeking.

Begin to release control

Release the control and power that the offending person and situation have had in your life.

How do I let go of what I have done to others?

We are imperfect humans who serve a perfect God. We all have knowingly or unknowingly hurt people along the way. In Him, we find the forgiveness we’re looking for and the strength to right the wrongs we have done to others. 

Acknowledge the mistake out loud

When you give a voice to the thoughts in your head and the emotions in your heart, you may free yourself from some of the burdens.

What happens if I can't forgive?

Practice empathy: Try seeing the situation from the other person's point of view.
Be aware that forgiveness is a process: Even small hurts may need to be revisited and forgiven again and again.


Body Exercise

62% of American Adults say they need more forgiveness in their personal lives. (Fetzer Insitute)

Bitterness and resentment have physical effects. Studies have found that the act of forgiveness can reap huge rewards for your health, lowering the risk of heart attack; improving cholesterol levels and sleep; and reducing pain, blood pressure, and levels of anxiety, depression, and stress.

Where do you feel emotion in your body? Different pressure points may be associated with different emotions. Identifying your emotions is a good place to start on the path to finding healing.


Reach Exercise

One of the best ways to practice forgiveness is with the REACH method. REACH stands for Recall, Emphasize, Altruistic gift, Commit, and Hold. Here is a look at each step.


The first step is to recall the wrongdoing in an objective way. The goal is not to think of the person in a negative light nor to wallow in self-pity, but to come to a clear understanding of the wrong that was done. Visualize the person and situation and all the feelings that come with it. Don't push aside anything, especially if it makes you feel angry or upset.


Next, try to understand the other person's point of view regarding why he or she hurt you, but without minimizing or downplaying the wrong that was done. Sometimes the wrongdoing was not personal, but due to something the other person was dealing with.

Altruistic Gift

This step is about addressing your own shortcomings. Recall a time when you treated someone harshly and were forgiven. How did it make you feel? Recognizing this helps you realize that forgiveness is an altruistic gift that you can give to others.


Commit yourself to forgive. For instance, write about your forgiveness in a journal or a letter that you don't send or tell a friend.


Finally, hold on to your forgiveness. This step is tough because memories of the event will often recur. Forgiveness is not erasure, rather, it's about changing your reaction to those memories.


Forgiveness is defined as the action or process of forgiving. Part of the process is learning to let go. This exercise will help you work through an area of forgiveness you’re seeking to move on from.

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