Have you ever been in a relationship and not seen eye to eye? You took a stand believing you were on the right side of the argument, and it ended up driving a wedge between you and the person you love. You couldn’t let it go, and now your teammate feels like your opposition. Your desire to be right outweighed humility and you missed out on the opportunity to grow in intimacy. The truth is that we’ve all been there. If you find yourself distanced in a relationship you value, take heart because God has bridged the gap for us to find restoration.

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Agreement is not the point, forgiveness is the key      

1. Acknowledge the Gap

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Strengthening a relationship relies not on agreement, but on love and forgiveness. Failing to forgive creates space for bitter roots to grow. The longer we choose to be offended, the more distance we allow in our relationships. Bitter roots put a lens on our perception, causing us to see offense everywhere. Rather than looking at life through a lens of offense, God’s word reminds us to focus on what is true, noble, right, and pure. The first step to freedom is acknowledging the distance we’ve allowed in our relationships.

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“So, what if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember that someone has something against you? Leave your gift there and go make peace with that person. Then come and offer your gift.” Matthew 5:23-24

2. Accept Responsibility

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When we choose to be in a relationship, offense is inevitable and disagreements will arise. How we handle these moments makes all the difference between walking in bitterness and walking in grace and love. There is a correct way to apologize and make peace. Before pointing a finger at the other person, we are called to lay down our fence and walk over our offenses. Love is powerful, and there is strength in recognizing we are called to be in unity. We play a role in our relationships — we can remove the lens of bitterness, accept responsibility, and walk in healing.  

“Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.” Proverbs 17:9

To be in relationships with others is one of the greatest gifts of this life. Relationships are hard work, filled with opportunities to choose how we will respond to offense. A relationship that goes the distance is one with a path paved by offenses that have been laid down. Jesus calls us to live a life unoffended, walking in true peace. As we choose to go first in forgiving those who have hurt us, we can rest assured that we will make it as long as we stay close to Jesus.